You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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