I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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