Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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