life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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