I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize