she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
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A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
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We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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