peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
