I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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