____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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