good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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