Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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