Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
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There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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