Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Randomize