saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize