All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
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He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
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So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
we should paint friendship bongs
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