I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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