one might say we're banned from that church
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize