its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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