we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
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We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
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if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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