I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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