Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
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Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
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But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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