i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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