She's JV to your varsity
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
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I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
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I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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