hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
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i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
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This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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