Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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