I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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