Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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