you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize