Define "chronic" masturbator.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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