I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
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I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
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Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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