i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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