I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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