i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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