also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize