I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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