i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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