I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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