Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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