so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
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He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
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i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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