Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
this just has baby written all over it
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
