You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
