so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
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Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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