literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
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I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
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okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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