i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
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I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
They have beer where we have blood.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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