Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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