I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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