Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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