end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
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my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
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Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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