He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
