That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
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i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
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Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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