Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
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"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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