i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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